A Hel of a Thing to Do

"The universities do not teach all things ... so a doctor must seek out old wives, gypsies, sorcerers, wandering tribes, old robbers, and such outlaws and take lessons from them. A doctor must be a traveller . . . Knowledge is experience."  - Paracelsus

A little background before the real ramble.

As of this writing, I have been a Heathen for about seventeen years. However, I am not consistently active or dedicated to rigorous practice. I'm one of those people who often means to set up a regular meditation habit, but it lasts a week or two. I have some lovely altars, but I let them get dusty too often. I am not a Lore Hound or scholar. I have been in a couple of kindreds.

When I found Heathenry, I was more or less immediately drawn to Freyr. I bloted to him privately within the first month of my journey. And about a month after that, I found out my spouse and I were going to have our first kid. 

I was inspired by and felt very close to the Vanir in general. I came here from a Buddhist background. I felt somewhat less drawn to the principal tribesmen of the Aesir. The warrior aspects of Asatru have appealed to me off and on over the years, but far more "off" recently. My journey led me away from that. 

Freyr, as Lord of the World, Lord of the good earth, of the summer rain and of growing things. Of love and willing self sacrifice, of warriorship in defense of the family, was my Main Man. He still is to a degree and I joyfully raise the horn to him. 

Freyr is also Lord of the Mound. Lord of the Alfar...the veiled Ancestors. This too attracted me to him. And it was a clue, I suppose.

In 2014 I lost both my parents, about six months apart. It feels like it was just a year ago. My sisters and I were told we had won the prize of "complex grieving". The deaths hit them far harder than they did me, it seems. Or I suppose it is more correct to say we process things differently. Naturally, none of us have ever, or will ever "get over it". I think it is becoming common knowledge now that you simply don't. You evolve and grow with it, but it is always a part of you. Like Shari - the dead wood one will see on a bonsai which adds beauty as well as a sense of age and depth. You grow around it. 

So for a time I was really mad at the Gods and everything else. My cynicism and despair seemed to have been validated by my experience. Nihilism seemed pretty spot on. Existential crisis? Sure! Give me the lifetime subscription!  

So a couple of years on, maybe just one, maybe a couple, it's a bit hazy .... I met this lady and have been seeing her for therapy since. I _think_ I had met her before. Yes, I am sure I had. But a couple of years after my parents' passing, I had one very nice visit with her in a Ve a friend of mine had set up at a Heathen festival. 

Her name was Hel. (dramatic reveal!) She gets a bum rap. She's that "spooky girl" that 90's movies liked to make horrible flat caricatures of. The one we have to invite to Thanksgiving but we really hope she doesn't show up. 

Now, I do not exactly consider myself fultrui ("dedicated to") Her. I consider myself a student. As Freyr was my Sensei for years, so she is now. A good student should be a traveler. I have never felt unsupported in this attitude. 

But I have come to realize She has work for me. Raising my family has been my principle work for Freyr, or so I'd like to think. What I have to do for this Lady is the Yin to that Yang. A complimentary mission. I have been very casual about this for the most part, but I would like to record some of my thinking now.

Wanted: Ruler of Underworld. 

Saying Hel is the Goddess of Death is an over-simplification of course. Just like saying Freyr is a fertility god, or Odin is the god of wisdom and poetry. 

But these simplifications are how humanity has grappled with the numinous since the beginning. If you need help getting your business started, you make offerings to Ganesha. If you are pregnant, you commune with Frigga. If you are in need of battle courage, you pray to Apollo or Ares. Going on a trip? Light a candle for St. Christopher. 

We tend to assign jobs to gods. Or to put it in atheistic terms, we create "gods" to grapple with specific concepts or to gain an edge, emotional or practical, in certain crisis situations. 

I have friends that put this behavior pattern down to "Well, this is how the Laity sees things." 

This implies a couple of things. One, that our small circle are not exactly laity because we are living at the beginning (we hope) of a movement and therefore we are all highly motivated by a deeper-than-most faith and passion. We're Nerds for the Gods! Or amateur priests, acolytes and monks, if you prefer.  

Second, because we are Nerds, we have studied a lot more Lore and history than the average Joe and therefore find it easier, as well as more compelling, to see our deities in more holistic terms. To see them more as people than as vending machines, though that sounds crass and I mean no disrespect to anyone. Most humans are busy creatures and it is not easy to make time to study or internalize or even contemplate the numinous on a regular basis. 

Now at some point in pre-history even the ones who did contemplate the infinite for a pass-time decided, "Hey. It sorta feels like these different gods have, you know, jobs." Otherwise, the concepts and perceived roles would not have been passed down. All our holy scripture would just amount to "Hey, Zephod's just this guy, you know?"

This gives credence to the Atheist perspective - that we created gods and not the other way around.  There is a chicken and egg debate to be had here, but that is for another writing. 

Digging in the Dirt

So anyway ... DEATH. 

If you want a crisis situation you need to deal with, This Is It.  All traditions have some sort of death deity, or at the very least a deity who dabbles in it while doing other stuff.  

The resumes of death deities have a few things in common...

Must be a Guardian.

Must be Undefeatable.

Must be Constant and Resolute.

Must be Scary.

Association with Darkness, the Underworld, or Destruction a plus.

Include samples and references.

The descriptions usually include that sort of stuff because of the facts of death as a real in-your-face phenomenon.

So assuming you are not a divinity student, how do you get beyond thinking about a death deity in just two dimensions? Or any deity for that matter? As stated, it does come down to doing homework - studying the Lore, surrounding culture, archaeological evidence, etc. then making some inferences - developing theories.

But I think there is an equally valid path to a deeper relationships with deities and to personal growth by actually leaning into the "job description".  There are two ways to do so. One is through contemplation.

Deadly Contemplation.

Think about Death. Keep in mind that the term "death" is pretty loaded to begin with. It seems on the surface to be brutally simple - The End. However, when we use the word, it can have a lot of nuance; change, rest, evolution, ascension, release, catharsis, and so on. 

When we engage with the concept, we find (or create) layers of meaning. We are partly finding ways to cope, partly trying to enrich ourselves through introspection and analysis. Both good things! This leads us to considering "the circle of life" and waxing philosophical on patterns of birth, death and renewal. The seasons. Questions like "Is time really linear?" "Can I really not exist if I can not perceive what it would be to be non-existent?" 

It gets deep really, really fast. These are valid ways to approach death and the Goddess thereof. Great fuel for meditations. Also easy to get lost in. If you are trying to develop a regular meditation or prayer practice, there is lots to work with here and I'll discuss it another time. 

Do the Thing.

The second way to lean in is to work with the "divine resume" we mentioned above.

Try examining "the job." Try to walk a few miles in your god's big stompy boots. This is the UPG side of the spiritual experience. Also the practical side.

The job description includes qualities to contemplate and also emulate. Here's my take on it...

Learn to be a Guardian.

Death, Hel, Hades, Enma....they all literally house and guard the spirits of the dead. In Midgard, the friend of Hel does the same in less literal ways. You love and preserve history. You tell stories truthfully. You foster respect for the Dead and the Ancestors, both their physical remains as well as their spirits, memories, legacies. And the greatest legacy of the dead is their children (both blood and spiritual). Therefore, you do what you can to protect and serve the Living. It seems ironic, but it isn't. It's just part of the package. 

Strive to be Undefeatable, Constant and Resolute.

Death is undefeatable because it is an absolute inevitability, so translating this into the world of the living is a bit difficult.  For us mortals, "Undefeatable" is about being courageous; striving for victory in the "Old Heathen Manner".  Facing your inner demons. Being the hero of your own story.  

At the same time, you'll want to embody and foster a sense of acceptance. "What is, is."

It's a bit of a Koan. In fact, it is the essential koan of the samurai. How does one struggle for more life while also being willing to let it slip away at any moment? One answer lies in finding Selflessness, but that's a future rabbit hole. 

Being "constant and resolute" in Midgard is about being a rock in the stream. Being dependable. Death does not budge. And it is always present. Doing Her work is accepting that and internalizing it. This breeds calm, inner freedom. That calm is something you can offer to others. Do your best to be unwavering for those who need you.

Embrace the Scary.

Wake people up. We live in one of the most death-denying cultures in the world. That is a big part of why we experience so much trauma in grieving. Being "scary" is my flippant way of saying you need to be an advocate for death acceptance and the concept of the Good Death. Talking about these things will not always win you friends. But if you can help just one person to screw up the courage to have "the talk" with their parents, you are doing Her work. This is the work of compassion.   

Acknowledge the Darkness.

Seek out and boost appreciation of the not-so-cheery sides of life. The Deep Secret (TM) is to unpack these terms - 'darkness', 'underworld', 'destruction'. They each grow from two very essential concepts of living (and dying) - Stillness and Change. Both can be unsettling. Both can be beautiful and sublime. Most people try to avoid thinking about them. Hel asks you to be more holistic. If you can take Life "warts and all", you have power. Power to heal, foster growth, and ease change as you come across it in our life or someone else's. 

Enjoy the Spooky!

 And yeah, aesthetics and art are your friends "on the job."  That's my Official Rationale for being a Spiritual Goth (TM again). If someone at the Quicki-mart complains about your black, crushed velvet gown and spike-adorned platform boots, tell them you answer to a higher calling. ("We're on a mission from Gawd.")  And hey, if you push someone a centimetre out of their comfort zone for a moment, you are kinda doing your job. Like a beautiful black chaos butterfly, you may have created a hurricane of self-examination some sleepless night for that person. You never know. 

A Final Word Before Your First Day at Work.

Never never never never take yourself too seriously. 

This is a crucial lesson that comes with dealing with death. It's true no matter who or what you believe in, and yet we so easily forget. There are billions of lives on this planet right now. You are just one. You are drinking water molecules that have likely passed through the digestive tracks of people who died eons ago. Be. Humble. But in that humility, be comforted. You are a part of a greater whole. You're a crest on a wave, as the Buddhists say.

Also... death is funny. It is! It is inherently ridiculous. Hel has a wonderful sense of humor. And laughter is one of her gifts to those of us who must endure the crucible of grief. It's the cool drink of water as we walk over those coals. Second only to love. Never forget to laugh. Joy is a weird thing and will crash in on you when you least expect it. It is a valid part of grieving, I assure you. Don't "laugh in the face of death" as the foolish cliche about Viking Warriors goes. Laugh with death. 

Hecate fan art by Beth Yankanich
 (https://www.instagram.com/bethyankan)
Original character design by Rachel Smythe

I hope you found this helpful. How would you describe the job description or resume of your favorite deity? How do you actualize it? 

May you live well, die well, and be remembered.